Solitude.

The solipsistic people are right, in a way. Except it’s true for all of us. Everybody is trapped inside their own consciousness all alone. What does that even mean? I’ll tell you in a moment.

Every once in a while I revisit the idea that, no matter how well you know somebody you can never know them on the same level that you know yourself. Even if they’re your twin or spouse of 60 years who you’ve spent your whole life with, you’ll never know the intricacies of their thoughts, feelings, and life the same way they know it for themselves. And on the flip side, nobody will ever really, truly know and understand you like how you do yourself. That thought makes me feel kind of anxious and… well… alone, I guess.

Your consciousness, the culmination of all your ambitions, emotions, and memories, is trapped in its own little bubble. And so is everybody else’s. All these bubbles are floating in the void, too far apart to ever touch each other, or even meet. The walls of these bubbles are all that protect our consciousnesses from the infinite abyss of nothingness that threatens to so unceremoniously swallow them up when we die. And until that happens all we can do is float about through the void, all alone.

Now, thinking hypothetically here. How neat would it be if somehow you could unify your consciousness with someone else’s? Having two different people share the same mind space. It would be the absolute most intimate you could get with somebody else, all your memories and feelings would be shared with each other. You could finally understand somebody else and be understood on the deeply rich level that you understand yourself. You could finally take comfort in knowing that you’re no longer truly alone. Of course a problem with this made up situation is how would you be able to define ‘you’ anymore? If two consciousnesses become one then neither stay themselves anymore. Imagine mixing red and blue paint together. They join to create the completely new colour purple, but none of the original red or blue are left over. They are lost and cannot be separated again. So if my hypothetical situation were possible and you could join your mind with someone else’s, would you do it? I guess it comes down to the question of ‘which do you value more? Individuality or a truly deep connection with somebody else?’

It’s ultimately pointless to think about since it’s impossible anyhow. But still, it’s interesting to consider.

~~~

This is the first post on this blog in eight months! I guess sometimes I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to share. Or maybe I’ve stopped giving a shit about this blog.

More posts coming soon, possibly. All of the two people who read this blog might like to know. Who am I kidding, zero people will read this.

Skyler J

“The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there” -Yasutani Roshi